For Would-Be Grooms:
Rule.No.1 - Never compare your mamma's cooking with your wife's! There is no faster way to dig your own grave than that! Please understand that your mom's cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of experience....don't expect that from your wife whose hardly into the process! What if she were to compare your earning capacity with her dad's!!! So shshshhhhh....!!!
Rule.No.2 : Never go out of your way to please the lady with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your engagement period. If ever you do , please follow it up post-wedding too! When you could cover 20kms in 15 minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time with her, how dare you forget her birthday post - marriage, even after you are given the broadest of hints by her! Remember expectations always double...ever heard of them being halved ???
Rule.No.3: Do compliment her every now and then, verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies and Archies gift cards for? Don't sit there like the Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of course she will do it but everyone likes to be appreciated and pampered!!!!
Rule.No.4: This is very important! Sulking or complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a strict NO -NO !! You got into it with your eyes wide open, brimming with enthusiasm !! No one ever pushed you into it! So why this drama now!
Rule.No.5: Be Brave and take your own decisions and stand up by them !!
Consult your parents for advice but realise that you are grown up enough to lead your life! Respect your partner's views at all times! Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life with you!!
Would-be Brides.
1. Don't expect too much from him. Less the expectations lesser the disappointments.
2. Don't ever dare to plan any outing or movie on a day when there is an interesting cricket match going on. REMEMBER SPORTS
3. Over Emotions, Sentiments... Woha... What are these? Tears are not going to give any results either. It's just a temp. attention tht u get. No one likes Cry Babies m Whining Wifes.
4. Never dare to cross with his mother.Even if he says "My Mom's cooking is the best. U are nothing in front of her." take it easily with a smile. Tell him tht u are learning from his mother and will try to do it better. U are not gonna lose anything!
5. Try to know his friends and understand that they are also part of his world.Allow him to spend few weekends or occasional night out parties with his friends.But at the same time make sure that u get u r due importance! It must not be tht he roams arnd with his friends forgetting that you exist at home.
6. Don't start fighting for silly things.Forgetting bthdays n Anniversaries is not a big mistake. Men are not blessed with 2 GB RAM for storing everything in main memory.If you are very particular abt present gifts n parties on u r bthdays n anniversaries.make sure u remind them well in advance by some means (I know it sounds stupid. But if u are so particular,Do it for u r own good)
7 . Take him for your shopping only if he's interested.If you are going for Window Shopping or for saree purchase,Better go with your friends/go alone.He is better at office/home watching cricket.
8. Give him importance always. Show due care and affection.Tht 's the only way to win a guy's mind.
Husbands vs Wifes
Boss - Employee's reply
Boss:
Arz kiya hai.........
Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyon ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... J J J .....
Employee's reply...
Arz kiya hai.........
Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai....
(Wah wah .... wah wah .... wah wah ...)
MERA APPRAISAL
Appraisal ke naam par ek lambi aah bharte hain,
chaliye ab hum is "dukhad" kahani ki shuruat karte hain,
hamehsa ki tarah 10 baje thumakte hue office aaya,
11 baje tak nashta kiya aur barah baje tak mail hi padh paya,
hamesha ki tarah aaj bhi mujhe alas aa raha tha,
aur mera PM mujhe tirchi nigaho se dekh-dekh gussa raha tha,
main bade concentration ke sath ek "Careful" mail padh raha tha,
tabhi dekha mere PM ke naam ka naya mail kone main blink kar raha tha,
phir koi traini n g attend karni hogi, ye kya bakwas hai,
kya reply main likh dun ki mere mailbox ka upwas hai ?
maine aankhen band ki aur 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
aur pranam karte hue maine wo mail khola,
PM ke is s mail main ek ajeeb sa sukoon aur bholapan hai,
likha hai bhaiyon appraisal letters aa gaye,ab to one-to-one hai,
mann main aise bure bure khayal aa rahe the,
upar se kuch log mere "de-appraisal" ki gandi affvah uda rahe the,
PM ko letter laate dekh har koi use dekhta jata hai,
jaise mallika ke kisi naye gane ko dekha jata hai,
akhir wo waqt aaya,
PM ne ek ek kar sabko ander bulaya,
jo bhi ander jata hansta hua jata,
jo bahar aata , murjhaya hua aata,
bahar aa kar insaan sambhal bhi nahi pata hai,
ki "kitna hua kitna mila" har koi uspe toot jata hai,
kisi ek ko appraisal main 2000 rupaye mile the, main uski hansi uda raha tha,
tabhi maine dekha mera PM ishare se mujhe ander bula raha tha,
main confidence se utha aur age kadam badhaya,
tabhi meri belt ka buckle toot ke nikal aya,
meri halat to abhi se hi buri ho gayi,
sala izzat utarna to yahi se shuru ho gayi,
main ander pahuncha aur PM ne mujhe bithaya,
usne mera letter padha aur wo hansi rok na paya,
woh itna hansa ki usse ansu aa gaye,
kya mere appraisal digits usse itne bha gaye,
jaise hi usne appraisal letter meri taraf badhaya,
meri ankhon ke age ghanghor andhera chaya,
mujhe laga jaise meri dil ki deewar ko kisi ne gobar se pota hai,
are yaar "bees rupaye" ? ye bhi koi increment hota hai ?
ye software indusrty hai akhada nahi hai,
ye "SALARY INCREMENT" hai , Dadar ane-jane ka bhada nahi hai,
meri charon taraf kali ghata chayi,
tabhi mere PM ki soothing awaz ayi,
tum soch rahe hoge ke company mgmt ka dimag phir gaya hai,
par beta hum kya karen , dollar ka bhav 2 rupaye jo gir gaya hai ,
par phir bhi mujhe lagta hai, ye letter fake hai,
mujhe to lagta hai ye printing mistake hai,
tum HR main jao,
aur ye confirm karke ao,
bhai HR main jane ke liye taiyyar hona padta hai,
wahi to aisi jagah hai jahan sunder ladkiyon se pala padta hai,
shitt!! jahan "Renuka " baithi hai, aaj whan baitha "Aftab" hai,
main samajh gaya beta, aaj apna badluck hi kharab hai,
usne mera letter khola,
aur khush ho ke bola,
wo bola sir aap ke liye khushkhabri hai,
aap ke letter ne "Printing mistake" pakdi hai,
maine kaha boss ab der na lagayen ,
aur mujhe mera actual amount batayen,
sorry sir ye mistake just by accident hai,
bees rupaye nahi , do rupaye aap ka increment hai,
main kya karun aap ko ye batete hue mera dil ro raha hai,
par kya karen dollar ka bhav bhi to kam ho raha hai,
main bas wahan khada tha ,kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha,
mujhse zyada increment to security wala pa raha tha,
maine khud ko sambhala, khud ko uthaya ,
main lauta aur seedhe PM ke pass aya,
main seedha uske cabin gaya aur darwaza khola,
is se pehle ki wo bole, main hi us se bola,
sir ye paise wapis le lijiye, baat karna fizool hai,
main gareeb hun, par bheekh nahi leta ye mera usool hai.
Ek Appraisal ka mara S/w Engg.
Punjabi Poem
Je gal usde pyar di hove,
koi ik aakhe main 5 dassan...
Je gal mere intezar di hove,
koi din aakhe main saal dassan...
Je gal usde wishwas di hove,
koi dil aakhe main rabb dassan...
Je gal mere dard di hove,
koi rovve te main jor jor hassan.
Ki pata teri koi majboori hove,
tenu bewaffa kahiye jaroori tan nahi..
tenu v pyar kise hor naal ho sakda,
sirf sadde naal hove jaroori tan nahi..
pyasa kite v panni pee sakda hai..
ek hi khooh te piwe jaroori tan nahi..
supne vekhda har inshaan ithe,
har ik da supna poora howe jaroori tan nahi..
Trust him
IF U LOVE SOMEONE AND HE/SHE DONT LOVE U BACK THN...
Wht will u do?
"DO U JUST HANG N HOPE THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER?"
or
"DO U TRY TO CHANGE URSELF?"
Why would you change who you are? If you're not what he/she wants how long do you think he/she 'll stay? You can't live a lie forever, in other words just be yourself.
MOOOOOVE ON … the best way to get over SOMEONE is to get under SOMEONE.
Start to date other people and after a while you'll find that SOMEONE ELSE will become special to you and will replace the thoughts in your mind. It will happen in Gods perfect timing.
Bole toh Job
Nadi mein doobte hue aadmi ne
pull par chalte hue aadmi ko
aawaz lagayi "bachao bachao"
pull par chalte aadmi ne neche
rassi pheki aur kaha aaoo..
Nadi mein dobta hua aadmi
rassi nahi pakad pa raha tha
rah rah kar chillaa raha tha
mein marna nahi chahta
zindagi badi mehengi hai
kal hi tho meri ek MNC company mein
naukri lagi hai..
Itna sunte hi pool par chalte
aadmi ne apni rassi kheech li
aur bhagte bhagte wo MNC company gaya
usne wahan ke HR ko bataya ki
abhi abhi ek aadmi doobkar mar gaya hai
aur is tarah aapki company mein ek
jagah khali kar gaya hai...
Mein berojgar hoon muje le lo..
HR boli dost tumne der kar di, ab se kuch der
pehle humne uss aadmi ko lagaya hai
jo usse dhakka de kar tumse pehle yahan aaya hai !!!!
Poems
socha tha ki harr mood pe tera intzaar karenge,
par kaya karen kambakhat sadak hi sidhi nikli
Ek jaam ulfat ke naam, ek jaam mohabat ke naam.
Ek jaam wafa k naam, puri botal bewafa ke naam,
Aur pura theka doston ke naam
Log kahtey hain ki ladkiyan zindagi hoti hain maut nahi,
Magar voh kya jane ki dhoka bhi zindagi deti hai maut nahi
Kasur na unka hai na mera,
Hum dono hi rishton ki rasmein nibhate rahe,
Woh dosti ka ehsaas jatate rahe,
Hum mohabbat ko dil mein chupate rahe.
Na aana usse leke mere janaze mein,
Meri Mohabbat ki tauhin hogi,
Main 4 logon ke kandhe pe hounga,
Aur meri jaan paidal hogi
Quotes: Close to my heart
1. You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you.
2. If you never change your mind, why have one?
3. It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.
4. Take the first step, no more, no less, and the next will be revealed.
5. After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.
6. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
7. Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished; if you are alive...it isn't.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave.
10.You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.
Dil Se
Tum mujhe bhool kar to dekho,
Har khushi routh jayegi,
Jab akele tum baitho gay,
Khud-ba-khud meri yaad aayegi..
Dil na lagana kisi se hamesa dard hi paaoge,
beete lamhon ko yaad karke rote hii jaooge ,
karni hi hai to karo gehri dosti humse
ummeed se jyada hi paooge
RAAT HUI JAB SHAAM K BAAD
TERI YAAD AAYI HER BAAT K BAAD
HUMNE KHAMOSH REH KER DEKHAA
TERI AWAZ AAYI HAR SAANS K BAAD
Men always have better friends..
Men will stand by you, no matter what . . .
Friends of Women......
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them . . .
Friends of Men.......
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them . . .
This is called friendship.........
Boys R D Best: Proof Is Here
A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
-:- Girl hugs him -:-
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.
(In the paper the next day): A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.
Love is not selfish so
Love is not being happy
it is to make happy to whom you love
even if you are unhappy with it
Swatantrata Divas ki Shubhkaamnaayen
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Love
By Charu Rajiv Walia
In front of the person u love,ur heart beats faster.
But in front of the person u like,u get happy.
In front of a person u love,winter seems like a spring.
But in front of a person u like,winter is just a beautiful winter.
If u look into the eyes of the one u love,u blush.
But if u look into the eyes of the one u like,u smile.
In front of a person u love,u can't say anything on ur mind.
But in front of a person u like,u can.
In front of the one u love,u tend to get shy.
But in front of the one u like,u can show ur own self.
U can't look straight into the eyes of the one u love.
But u can always smile into the eyes of the one u like.
When the one u love is crying,u cry with him.
But when the one u like is crying,u end up comforting him.
The feeling of love starts from the eye.
But the feeling of liking starts from the ear.
So if u stop liking a person u used to like,all u
need to do is close ur ears.
But if u try to close ur eyes,love turns into a drop
of tear & remains in ur heart forever.......
Love Your Job
Arguing with your Boss is like
'wrestling with a pig in mud'.
After a while, you realize that
while you are getting dirty,
the pig is actually 'enjoying it'.
Help a man when he is in trouble and
he will remember you
when he is in trouble again !!!!
Complex problems have simple,
easy to understand wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating,
I prefer to consider it
'creative problem solving'.
Behind every 'successful woman',
is a man who is surprised !!!!
Whoever said 'money can't buy happiness',
didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol 'doesn't solve any problems',
but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only 'alive' because
it is illegal to shoot them.
I'm not a complete idiot,
there're still some parts missing !!!!
Forgive your enemies but
remember their names.
The number of people watching you
is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father ....
- He said he wanted more proof.
Some pain is physical and some is mental,
but one that's both is dental !!!!
Life is pleasant, death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
Love your job but never fall in love with your Company,
coz'u never know when company stops loving u
Daaru
fisal gaya mai kele k chilke per,
or ja pahucha sidha maikhane,
waha per mujhe milli jo maikahne wali,
toh mai bola aya hu mai aaj tera uddhar chukane
maikhane wali boli, pyar gaya yaaar gaya ,
or gaya viapar sun le ab tu ,
na hoga aage se udhaar,
band karna pad jayega yeh wyaapaar
kal se lekar aana poore paise
nahi to joote padenge hazzaar
mai bhi bola kitna nirdayi hai sansaar
bin daaru ke ab kaise ji paunga yaar
he uparwaale kar de maiy ki barish..
dikha de tu bhi aaj koi chamatkaar
magha re megha re,
mai k pyale barsa de,
daruwali Rs 20 pavve k leti hai ,
tu uddhar pila de,
aiye khuda aisa kuch jalwa aaj dikha de
aasmaa ke baadal se aaj daaru barsa de
barsa de daru ker de versha daaru ki,
kahin bijli karka k meri photo mat kheench lena
Zindagi
By Rajiv Walia
Mujhe laga ki zindagi ko samajhna aasaan hai,
par mujhe kya pata tha ki yahan toh har hoi pareshan hai.
Hum zindagi ko jitna samajhna chahte hai,
utna hi khud ko tadpaate hain.
AAj har koi zindagi se pareshaan hai,
par phir bhi maut kisi kisi par meherban hai.
Ye zindagi aakhir kya hai,
yaa toh ye gulab hai ,
yaa phir sharaab hai,
Shayad Is sab ke liye hum hi zimmedar hain.
Jo hum aaj mehsoos kar rahe hain,
Vo kal ka chamatkar hai,
Aur aane vala kal aaj ki paidaavaar hai.
Aaj hum iss baat par zara sa dhyaan karen,
Iss Jahaan main koi aisa nahin,
jiske liya hum khud ko itna pareshaan karen.
Lessons of life
Lesson Number One:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson?
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson?
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson?
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
This is the end of your management course.
Shayeri for Sentimental Fools
"Teri aankhen hain ki dil ka aaina dikhati hain,
Kabhi sharm se jhuk jati hain,
Toh kabhi masti se bhar jati hain,
Kitni nashili hain yeh aankhen,
Par kyon yeh aansoo bahati hain."
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Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when
someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most when the person
you love has no idea how you feel.
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Bole vo dosti, chup rahe vo pyar,
milaye wo dosti ,juda kare wo pyar,
hansaye wo dosti ,rulaye wo pyar.
Phir bhi log dosti chhodkar kyun
karte hain pyar.
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Pyar karke bhulana na aaya hamen,
kisi ke dil ko manana na aaya hamen,
kisi se tadapna toh seekh liya hamne, par
kisi ko tadpana na aaya hamen.
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Meri khata toh kuch bhi na thi,
Jane kyun aap hi begane ho gaye,
Aapko lagta hai ki hum khush hain,
Magar hume hanse toh zamane ho gaye.
Pappu Paas Ho Gaya!!
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
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TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
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TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
Zindagi Poem
Zindagi jali, jali zindagi, zindagi jali kuch is tarah
Chandni khili khili chandni, chandni khili kuch is tarah
Dil ke jazbaat, ankho se baayan, baat aise jo chali
Samjhe kai, nasamjhe koi, samjhaye use ye kis tarah,
Zindagi jali jali zindagi, zindagi jali kuch is tarah
Khushiyo ki lehar, hasi ki fuhaar, muskaan kuch aisi khili
Ankho ka Pani, Moti zabani, thamaye na thame is tarah
zindagi jali jali zindagi, zindagi jali kuch is tarah
Chandni khili khili chandni, chandni khili kuch is tarah
Zindagi jali jali zindagi, zindagi jali kuch is tarah
(I have copied this part of poem from the net, n it is written by Sarika)