1. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
2. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
3. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
4. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
5. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
6. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
7. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (Attention vegetarian women)
9. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Facts
Dard - Dil Se
Sab se chupa kar dard jo wo muskuara dia,
Uski hansi ne toh aaj mujh ko rula dia.
Lehjay se uth rahi thi har ik dard ki dastan
Chehra bata raha tha sub kuch ganwa dia.
Awaz mein thehrao tha ankhon mein nami thi,
Aur keh raha tha k mein ne sab kuch bhula diya,
Khud bhi woh hum say bichar k adhoore se ho gaye
Mujh ko bhi itnay logon mein tanha bana dia.....
Husbands vs Wifes
For Would-Be Grooms:
Rule.No.1 - Never compare your mamma's cooking with your wife's! There is no faster way to dig your own grave than that! Please understand that your mom's cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of experience....don't expect that from your wife whose hardly into the process! What if she were to compare your earning capacity with her dad's!!! So shshshhhhh....!!!
Rule.No.2 : Never go out of your way to please the lady with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your engagement period. If ever you do , please follow it up post-wedding too! When you could cover 20kms in 15 minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time with her, how dare you forget her birthday post - marriage, even after you are given the broadest of hints by her! Remember expectations always double...ever heard of them being halved ???
Rule.No.3: Do compliment her every now and then, verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies and Archies gift cards for? Don't sit there like the Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of course she will do it but everyone likes to be appreciated and pampered!!!!
Rule.No.4: This is very important! Sulking or complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a strict NO -NO !! You got into it with your eyes wide open, brimming with enthusiasm !! No one ever pushed you into it! So why this drama now!
Rule.No.5: Be Brave and take your own decisions and stand up by them !!
Consult your parents for advice but realise that you are grown up enough to lead your life! Respect your partner's views at all times! Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life with you!!
Would-be Brides.
1. Don't expect too much from him. Less the expectations lesser the disappointments.
2. Don't ever dare to plan any outing or movie on a day when there is an interesting cricket match going on. REMEMBER SPORTS
3. Over Emotions, Sentiments... Woha... What are these? Tears are not going to give any results either. It's just a temp. attention tht u get. No one likes Cry Babies m Whining Wifes.
4. Never dare to cross with his mother.Even if he says "My Mom's cooking is the best. U are nothing in front of her." take it easily with a smile. Tell him tht u are learning from his mother and will try to do it better. U are not gonna lose anything!
5. Try to know his friends and understand that they are also part of his world.Allow him to spend few weekends or occasional night out parties with his friends.But at the same time make sure that u get u r due importance! It must not be tht he roams arnd with his friends forgetting that you exist at home.
6. Don't start fighting for silly things.Forgetting bthdays n Anniversaries is not a big mistake. Men are not blessed with 2 GB RAM for storing everything in main memory.If you are very particular abt present gifts n parties on u r bthdays n anniversaries.make sure u remind them well in advance by some means (I know it sounds stupid. But if u are so particular,Do it for u r own good)
7 . Take him for your shopping only if he's interested.If you are going for Window Shopping or for saree purchase,Better go with your friends/go alone.He is better at office/home watching cricket.
8. Give him importance always. Show due care and affection.Tht 's the only way to win a guy's mind.
Boss - Employee's reply
Boss:
Arz kiya hai.........
Office may Kaam hote hain...
Galtiyon ka sama hota hai....
Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai.... J J J .....
Employee's reply...
Arz kiya hai.........
Appraisal hote hain...
Disappointment ka sama hota hai...
Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai....
Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte...
Ye fasana to resignation se bayan hota hai....
(Wah wah .... wah wah .... wah wah ...)
MERA APPRAISAL
Appraisal ke naam par ek lambi aah bharte hain,
chaliye ab hum is "dukhad" kahani ki shuruat karte hain,
hamehsa ki tarah 10 baje thumakte hue office aaya,
11 baje tak nashta kiya aur barah baje tak mail hi padh paya,
hamesha ki tarah aaj bhi mujhe alas aa raha tha,
aur mera PM mujhe tirchi nigaho se dekh-dekh gussa raha tha,
main bade concentration ke sath ek "Careful" mail padh raha tha,
tabhi dekha mere PM ke naam ka naya mail kone main blink kar raha tha,
phir koi traini n g attend karni hogi, ye kya bakwas hai,
kya reply main likh dun ki mere mailbox ka upwas hai ?
maine aankhen band ki aur 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
aur pranam karte hue maine wo mail khola,
PM ke is s mail main ek ajeeb sa sukoon aur bholapan hai,
likha hai bhaiyon appraisal letters aa gaye,ab to one-to-one hai,
mann main aise bure bure khayal aa rahe the,
upar se kuch log mere "de-appraisal" ki gandi affvah uda rahe the,
PM ko letter laate dekh har koi use dekhta jata hai,
jaise mallika ke kisi naye gane ko dekha jata hai,
akhir wo waqt aaya,
PM ne ek ek kar sabko ander bulaya,
jo bhi ander jata hansta hua jata,
jo bahar aata , murjhaya hua aata,
bahar aa kar insaan sambhal bhi nahi pata hai,
ki "kitna hua kitna mila" har koi uspe toot jata hai,
kisi ek ko appraisal main 2000 rupaye mile the, main uski hansi uda raha tha,
tabhi maine dekha mera PM ishare se mujhe ander bula raha tha,
main confidence se utha aur age kadam badhaya,
tabhi meri belt ka buckle toot ke nikal aya,
meri halat to abhi se hi buri ho gayi,
sala izzat utarna to yahi se shuru ho gayi,
main ander pahuncha aur PM ne mujhe bithaya,
usne mera letter padha aur wo hansi rok na paya,
woh itna hansa ki usse ansu aa gaye,
kya mere appraisal digits usse itne bha gaye,
jaise hi usne appraisal letter meri taraf badhaya,
meri ankhon ke age ghanghor andhera chaya,
mujhe laga jaise meri dil ki deewar ko kisi ne gobar se pota hai,
are yaar "bees rupaye" ? ye bhi koi increment hota hai ?
ye software indusrty hai akhada nahi hai,
ye "SALARY INCREMENT" hai , Dadar ane-jane ka bhada nahi hai,
meri charon taraf kali ghata chayi,
tabhi mere PM ki soothing awaz ayi,
tum soch rahe hoge ke company mgmt ka dimag phir gaya hai,
par beta hum kya karen , dollar ka bhav 2 rupaye jo gir gaya hai ,
par phir bhi mujhe lagta hai, ye letter fake hai,
mujhe to lagta hai ye printing mistake hai,
tum HR main jao,
aur ye confirm karke ao,
bhai HR main jane ke liye taiyyar hona padta hai,
wahi to aisi jagah hai jahan sunder ladkiyon se pala padta hai,
shitt!! jahan "Renuka " baithi hai, aaj whan baitha "Aftab" hai,
main samajh gaya beta, aaj apna badluck hi kharab hai,
usne mera letter khola,
aur khush ho ke bola,
wo bola sir aap ke liye khushkhabri hai,
aap ke letter ne "Printing mistake" pakdi hai,
maine kaha boss ab der na lagayen ,
aur mujhe mera actual amount batayen,
sorry sir ye mistake just by accident hai,
bees rupaye nahi , do rupaye aap ka increment hai,
main kya karun aap ko ye batete hue mera dil ro raha hai,
par kya karen dollar ka bhav bhi to kam ho raha hai,
main bas wahan khada tha ,kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha,
mujhse zyada increment to security wala pa raha tha,
maine khud ko sambhala, khud ko uthaya ,
main lauta aur seedhe PM ke pass aya,
main seedha uske cabin gaya aur darwaza khola,
is se pehle ki wo bole, main hi us se bola,
sir ye paise wapis le lijiye, baat karna fizool hai,
main gareeb hun, par bheekh nahi leta ye mera usool hai.
Ek Appraisal ka mara S/w Engg.
Punjabi Poem
Je gal usde pyar di hove,
koi ik aakhe main 5 dassan...
Je gal mere intezar di hove,
koi din aakhe main saal dassan...
Je gal usde wishwas di hove,
koi dil aakhe main rabb dassan...
Je gal mere dard di hove,
koi rovve te main jor jor hassan.
Ki pata teri koi majboori hove,
tenu bewaffa kahiye jaroori tan nahi..
tenu v pyar kise hor naal ho sakda,
sirf sadde naal hove jaroori tan nahi..
pyasa kite v panni pee sakda hai..
ek hi khooh te piwe jaroori tan nahi..
supne vekhda har inshaan ithe,
har ik da supna poora howe jaroori tan nahi..
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